The Conversation Caf? Method
The following text is excerpted and adapted from the Conversation Caf? website (www.conversationcafe.org).
What is a Conversation Caf??
A Conversation Caf? is a 90-minute hosted conversation which is held in a public setting like a coffee shop or bookstore, where anyone is welcome to join. A simple format helps people feel at ease and gives everyone who wants to a chance to speak.
NCDD's Convenor, Sandy Heierbacher, poses with Vicki Robin after meeting her in December 2002 at a tea shop in Seattle that regularly hosts Conversation Caf?s.
Vicki Robin, author of the bestselling "Your Money or Your Life" and a pioneer in the voluntary simplicity movement, first initiated Conversation Caf?s in Seattle, Washington, in attempts to take her ideas of simpler living to a higher level. The Caf? method has since spread internationally.
Conversation Caf?s is sponsored by the New Road Map Foundation, a non-profit educational and charitable organization teaching people skills to be effective human beings, citizens and agents of social change.
Conversation Caf?s do not focus on moving to action. They are not meant to replace action; they come before action. They are a place for people to gather their thoughts, find their natural allies, discover their blind spots, open their heart to the heart of "the other." As they say, all movements begin with a conversation.
Everyone who participates in a Conversation Caf? is asked to agree to this simple set of guidelines that set the tone of the gathering:
- Acceptance: suspend judgment as best you can
- Listening...with respect
- Curiosity: seek to understand rather than persuade
- Diversity: invite and honor all points of view
- Sincerity: speak what has personal heart and meaning
- Brevity: go for honesty and depth but don't go on and on
The Conversation Caf? Process
Vicki looking more contemplative during a Let's Talk America meeting in January 2004.
Conversation Caf? "hosts" provide nametags, paper and pencil (for note taking), a centerpiece (candle, flower) and a talking object (something symbolic or just handy) that is held by the person speaking.
The host welcomes everyone, states the theme for the caf?, reads the agreements, sets an ending time, and calls for a moment of silence to relax, reflect and become open.
Each person speaks in turn, going around the circle once. Each person holds the talking object while they speak. During this round, everyone says their name and speaks briefly about what is on their minds regarding the theme. Anyone may pass if they don't want to speak. Everyone is asked to express themselves fully yet succinctly, allowing time for others to speak. No feedback or response.
Now that everyone has been introduced, the group goes around the circle again. If someone wants to respond to another's remarks, they can do so in their own turn. Each person holds the talking object. To allow more time for conversation, keep remarks brief, possibly just naming the theme or subjects you want to delve into more deeply. Again, no feedback or response.
Now the conversation opens up and people can speak in no particular order. This conversation will take up most of the time. If there is domination, contention, or lack of focus, the host may suggest that the group again use the talking object. Keep in mind the agreements.
A few minutes before the end of the Caf?, the host will ask everyone to go around the circle again, giving each a chance to say briefly what they are taking away from the conversation.
The History of the Conversation Caf? Method
After the September 11, 2001 tragedy, Vicki Robin realized that Conversation Caf?s could help people come together to talk about how the tragedy and its aftermath have effected them and to learn from each other how they should cope with and react to the situation. Here's how the website explains it:
In times of crisis, people overcome their fear of strangers. We recognize that we are all in this-whatever this is-together. We see how vulnerable we all are, citizens and leaders alike. If we are brave, we even see that something so new is happening that we don't know how to cope. What do you do when you don't know what to do?
To paraphrase Einstein, on September 11, everything about our world changed except our way of thinking, and thus we drift to unparalleled catastrophe?or opportunity. Which shall it be? What will turn the tide? We don't know. But we can learn-together-the way through to a sustainable peace.
Conversation Caf?s are places where this collective learning is happening.
Conversation Caf?s offered the people of Seattle a way to open up instead of shutting down during a time when people felt threatened and insecure.
Perhaps public safety is as much a matter of us sustaining the compassion and caring that happened in the weeks following September 11 as it is about beefing up surveillance and the military. If any of this is true, then Conversation Caf?s have much to offer. Because they happen in public settings, people who don't normally talk to one another can come together to share their thoughts and feelings in a spirit of respect. One person's view, expressed without a need to convince, could open another person's eyes. It could soften preconceptions. And being heard without judgment allows each person to feel understood. Good conversation can change the world. In this case, talk is not cheap--it is the most precious thing we can do.
Since September 11, 2001, Vicki has fostered the Caf? movement in an effort to help create social spaces where empowered citizenship might truly show up.
Promoting Conversation Caf?s
Conversation Caf?s have met with so much success, in part, because of Vicki Robin's unique ability to produce fun, welcoming sound bytes and slogans that give the Caf?s an upbeat, high-energy feel. Here are some of the great tidbits she uses on the website, on posters and in press releases.
- Tired of small talk? Try some big talk!
- Think Globally. Talk Locally.
- At Conversation Caf?s, everyone is ?the talk show? and it's also fine for people to simply listen.
- Conversation Caf?s are not instead of action. They are before action: a place to gather your thoughts, find your natural allies, discover your blind spots and open your heart to the heart of ?the other.?
- Why Conversation Caf?s? Because when you put strangers, caffeine and ideas in the same room, brilliant things can happen. For that very reason, the British Parliament banned coffeehouses in the 1700s as hotbeds of sedition. Might we brew up a similar social liveliness now? With democracy, critical thinking and ?the ties that bind? all under siege, this may be the most radical cup of coffee you ever drink.
- Conversation Caf?s aren't group therapy, but when you speak, people are all ears.
- Conversation Caf?s aren't the movies, but as BIG talk swirls around the table, the real movie life comes alive.
- Conversation Caf?s aren't church, but your soul might stir.
- Conversation Caf?s aren't lectures, but you'll learn a lot from the people who come.
- Conversation Caf?s aren't going out and getting drunk with your buddies, thank heavens!
Further Resources on Conversation Caf?
Go to www.conversationcafe.org to read more about the process, to see lists of all of the Caf?s that are held regularly, to see all of the innovative ways the Caf?s are publicized, and to look over the "host manual."